Dear Youth of America:
It is that time of the year again when you get all happy and full of joy, no not Christmas, it's the FOUNDERS NEWSLETTER. Well, before we start I would like to wish everyone a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year, also to our other religions Happy Holidays (Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and so and so forth). We have a hell of a lot of topics to talk about so lets get started.
My first topic would have to be that awful Confirmation Sunday. These are the people who got confirmed: Jon Wood, Lauren Moyer, Wes Kramer & Amanda Noll. Yes, that's right!! Has to be a crime for one of those 4 to get in and I think you know who it is just as much as I do. Our statement regarding this is being published and corrected and should be put forth some time before the new year. How can you be serious by making Amanda Noll a member of this church? Ask anybody that goes to church Amanda Noll is hardly ever there she's lucky if she is there once a month and she doesn't go to Sunday School. For a requirement you have to write 16 sermon notes. I doubt she even wrote 5. Back in the old days you had to go to church I hate it and I hope you hate this even more than I do. I think Jesus may have a say about this, if we could ask him. When I asked one of our most prominent members, "If she highly disagreed with the confirmations of Amanda Noll?" She unhappily replied, " How high can I?" Our statement will clarify our stance on the situation.
Now we will talk about school. Never become a senior in high school, it will certainly be the most boring and longest school year of your life. I swear I have spent at least 2 years of my life in that school and its only been 4 months. I would also like to wish everyone good luck in their subjects we don't want to have to put you on academic probation. Also you have to type up boring essays and applications and send them out to numerous colleges. Right now I have applied to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania State University, Delaware Valley College, and West Chester University. I have received acceptance letters from Delaware Valley College and West Chester, while PSU has optioned me to Berks campus (yeah right like I'm going to stay that close to this dump) While Pittsburgh has optioned me off to Bradford, Johnstown, Greensburg I probably will get another acceptance from their 4 smaller campus in Titusville. So stay tuned for more information. I have not been able to type this newsletter because I have been getting homework daily. In fact over break I had to do 7 worksheets from history and these are long sheets not those baby sheets you did in 9th grade.
Continuing on we will now talk about boring sleepovers. No offense but M.C.E.L.C. has planned numerous activities and we have had absolutely no cooperation. The youth director and I are trying to make good activities but with no help we our unable to make correct decisions. We have had bowling, mini golf, RISK tournaments but still no one comes. We understand some people are unable to attend but we are just asking for some input and some help in getting activities you would like. I guarantee if you don't wanna spend time with losers like (Derek who broke the musical instrument) you won't have to.
Now here is my opinion of Pocomont. I would use a line from a George Carlin comedic performance but it contains some profanity. So if you want to know it please talk to me individually. If it could have been any worse I probably would have killed myself. Besides locking ourselves in our rooms to play video games and Risk tournaments we probably would have gone insane. However Friday Night we watch some cable programming that was extremely amusing. I am sure our new probational member Wes will fill you on it. We had no freedom now listen to what happened the first moment we arrived there. We are in our rooms hooking up video games, when we get yelled at for not attending a primary meeting for all new attendees of Pocomont. Well, I have been there for 2 years and our youth director was there last yr. So why should we have to go. Do you actually think we went? Of course not YOU KIDDING ME, we just locked ourselves in our room and continued till we had to be there. Then we wanted to sit outside of the main congregating bowl and we got yelled at even though we did it all last year, but that was the least of our problems. I decided to nominate Julie for a position Treasurer since we had a 300% increase last year but NO she didn't do it she said NO made me look like a fool it wouldn't be the last time either. Then we have to play some stupid game where Nicole wins cause I was being nice instead I lost to a loser who doesn't do anything. Then we looked at Abbeys camera played games in our room and watched the best TV show ever created by mankind. Then we had to go thru some boring listening thing where we all slept thru it. Then after more video game playing we went to bed of course I got my own bed while John forced Wes to sleep on the floor.
The next day we woke up and had a huge breakfast, sausages eggs o my all you could eat 2. Then John & I had a boring workshop where we had to describe pictures of Jesus, it wasn't that bad cause the pastor was a BRAVES fan. In that workshop we were paired with one of our favorite members the highly talented Abbey Weaver, by the way her brother is in RACC (haha) and can't attend. (THANK GOD)
Then were playing football in our hotel room (Wes, John, Me) and watching football games about to start and some lady looks through our door and starts yelling at us that we have to go up to eat. Well, of course I wasn't going to put up with this. And said I don't understand why we have to eat we just ate a huge breakfast barely 3 hours ago and now we have to cram our full stomachs with more food. Hopefully she will never be allowed to go to Pocomont ever again for what she told us next. "If you don't go up now I will be forced to get the older hairy men after you and they won't be so kind." I swear we all just stood there with our jaws basically lying on the floor. Thinking what she cant say that can she what the heck did she say. I begin to think boy I hope Jesus comes down and smacks your face for saying that. So unwillingly we go up to eat where I cant even finish half a hamburger, while The Lunch NAZI feels up her large quantity of room with at least 5 hamburgers and 5 hot dogs and at least a dozen pies. We go to relaxation another completely boring aspect then we went to our district meetings. Where we had a get acquainted game STUPID NICOLE (for this she is inches away for the cut list) said any MCELC members have to stand up and me and john barely found a seat. By the way we gave this organization great publicity at this event. Then someone said all kids with caps get up If I am not mistaken this lady might have been Jackie from WBMD (West Berks Mission District) Well she cheated she walked right over to Wes chair waiting to take his seat me and john were sitting next to each other therefore we cant find a seat so we run pointlessly to try and get a seat and Wes thinking were playing football hit me right in the ribs (cheap shot I might add) I couldn't breathe correctly for the next day, Then after this we went to our rooms sitting there waiting for the lunch nazi to come back to go tell us go to dinner but she never came. Preferably because during the meeting prior to dinner and free time I said do we have to go eat dinner exactly at 545 and they said no why would you have to do that? I said cause we got yelled at for not eating right away at Lunch and someone said that's stupid. HEHE. Then we had open space Drugs and Baseball (Katie, abbey, Amanda, Wes, john, and me) all involved in this had great topics it was twice as fun because Stef wasn't there she was just drooling over some boy named Wayne who like the yanks by the way Stef might as well have just sucked face all night since she was doing it in her mind. She basically took our good member Amanda and used her just so she could talk to Wayne BY the Way Stef owes me 100 dollars because I made a deal that said the next time I would be at church she wouldn't be so please lets get that money. Anyhow then we were forced to go to a party and weren't allowed to leave It was torture it Was hell It was dull and boring. Then we held the annual risk tourney in which Fegley captured the world. Then we had some meetings went to church and then we were supposed to sing at lunch but skipped and went to arcade in which I won a Scooby Dolby Do stuffed animal out of the machine. Then we were reluctantly picked up by the Umbenhauers (THANK GOD) and took home by the way Mr. Umbenhauer has one of the nicest cars I have seen to recent knowledge its 2 Levels above Bill's but of course Bill's car is bought by his company since he doesn't get a raise (POOR BILL) Hopefully Reading Phils will give us a raise.
All in ALL it was a terrible experience and besides laughing at Stef because she basically wanted to have an affair with her new beau there was no fun, hopefully woody Noll and Glendale go next year so they get threatened by old hairy men. Our Youth Director will be publishing his experience on Pocomont in the weeks to come. Also Congrats to Julie Umbenhauer for being nominated WBMD Representative way to go Julie.
Since Christmas is basically here we will have to buy Wood a Christmas gift therefore we need your donations a 15% of your donations may be given to charity by the way this is 5 percent higher than Holy Spirit's. By the gift we are giving he needs immediately if you would like to know what it is please Contact one of the Members of the Board.
Now when you go to Church or Sunday School you expect to learn something well we don't learn anything at Sunday School. MS Jane forces us to sing songs that were used back in the slave days. Basically cause we are being forced to sing it like slaves. The last Christmas Program was about the Jesse Tree. Now not after our member Jessi Little she is a human not a tree. Well, A coat hanger yeah can you believe that it was a coat rack not a Tree. Well, the Christmas program was 4 weeks long yet in the Dove they said it was to be on Dec. 22nd. Now does that make any sense to have a program for 4 weeks hell most of these kids can't even in come for 2 weeks in a row. I think we need to find a new Choir person, this is getting highly out of hand. Esp. since the whole thing about Jesse tree has nothing to do with Christmas, they just relate people to who waited for God. Of course it is like just 2 people they somehow connect it from like 20 people. Basically I can't even explain only thing I know is practically the whole Sunday School skipped all 4 weeks because it was hypocrisy I was there for week 3 and totally distraught over this whole situation. Even Jon Wood hated it so give him some credit for opening his eyes to the world. Join the fight in getting a New Choir Director.
Lastly I would like to CONGRATULATE the members of the PROCTOLOGIST bowling team (Lindsay Runkel, Chris Long, and John Fegley) and personally thank RICK STEWART for basically dying in the last game with a 127 way to go (bleep)
Winter champs now going for spring title
Stay tuned for next year's newsletter